The day after I had to say goodbye to my beloved dog, I saw this quote by Dr. Rebecca Ray: “Sit with it, sit with it, sit with it, sit with it. Even though you want to run. Even when it’s heavy and difficult. Even though you’re not quite sure of the way through. Healing happens by feeling.”

Days prior, I knew the end was coming. Within my body, my heart, and my mind, I felt anxiety, fear, sadness, and anticipatory grief; I recognized the stories I was telling myself of worry and the past and felt a wrenching grief that takes my breath away.

I reminded myself that past griefs were surfacing and wanted to be acknowledged and honored. I reminded myself to breathe and to be patient with myself. I said, “You are hurting, my dear.”

Throughout the day, I was aware of my body’s heaviness and tension. I was on edge, ready to explode at the slightest provocation. Every red light, every irritating word, every responsibility felt like a burden I couldn’t handle during this difficult time. It’s tough when life goes on and I still must keep up with everything, despite my pain.

Again, I reminded myself to breathe and be patient. “You are going to be okay.”

Being mindful of my breath, body, thoughts, and emotions helps me avoid saying or doing something I may regret. It allows me to pause and respond with wisdom rather than react on autopilot. Viktor Frankl aptly says, “Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose our response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.”

Practicing self-compassion during times of suffering helps me soften around my pain. Taking moments to cry, journal, talk with friends or family, and allow my grief to be heard and honored by others supports my healing process.

Today, I am very aware of the absence of my beloved dog. I feel sadness when he isn’t looking back at me, waiting for his morning breakfast, barreling through the dog door running from his little buddy, or greeting me with his wiggle butt when I get home. My home is quiet.

I breathe, allow space for sadness, and with my hand on my heart, I whisper, “I know you are hurting; you are going to be okay.”

Sitting with pain is a skill that takes practice.

When I become mindful of my body and pay attention to how it communicates with me, my nervous system becomes activated, my heartbeat increases, my breathing becomes shallow, and tension arises throughout my body. It takes practice to listen to what my body is telling me and the intention to give it what it needs—breath, rest, movement, sunshine, hydration, and so on.

Becoming mindful of my thoughts helps me pay attention to the thoughts and stories that automatically come up. Am I in judgment? Am I thinking thoughts of the future, the what-ifs that cause anxiety? Am I thinking about the past, ruminating on previous pains, the shoulda-coulda-woulda’s that cause sadness or depression? Naming my thoughts and emotions enables me to acknowledge and create space for them.

A simple way to start a mindfulness practice is to check in with my five senses. Connect with my breath. Be the observer and take note of what I see, hear, smell, taste, and touch. Grounding in the present moment allows me to unhook from the stories that cause or add to suffering.

This practice may not take the pain away; however, it may soften it and enable me to hold space for my difficult emotions with compassion instead of resisting, numbing, or running from them.

by Kristina Strong Ph.D.

Dr. Kristina Strong is a woman who embraces life’s imperfections with grace and resilience. As a single mother and widow, Kristina has faced her own significant life challenges, allowing her to deeply understand the complexities of the human experience. Join her on a transformative path toward self-discovery and empowerment, where imperfections are embraced and authenticity reigns supreme. Welcome to a space where mindfulness and compassion pave the way to a life of meaning and fulfillment. kristinastrong.com

kristinastrong.com